張紫茵為藝術家及導演，現於香港生活及工作。她的作品圍繞身份的雙重面向：個人與政治、記憶與遺忘。活動影像作品曾於荷蘭Kunstinstituut Melly及荷蘭國家電影檔案館等展出，並入選鹿特丹國際電影節、列斯國際電影節、首爾女性電影節、台灣南方影展及里斯本酷兒電影節等。

Dorothy Cheung is a filmmaker and artist. She currently lives and works in Hong Kong. Her practice explores the notion of identities and home through a double perspective – personal and political, memory and forgetfulness. Her moving-image works are internationally exhibited in Kunstinstituut Melly (formerly known as Witte de With Center for Contemporary Art) and EYE Filmmuseum, and selected for film festivals including International Film Festival Rotterdam, Leeds International Film Festival, Seoul Women’s Film Festival, South Taiwan Film Festival and Queer Lisboa. 

在邊緣的散步

最近的創作總是在狹縫之中去完成，不論是因為參與工作坊，於是總趕在一天或一個下午拍攝，抑或是在跟自己創作無關的工作之中找能夠創作的空間，從中再去引申到自己有興趣的題目上。有時是在社區一邊散步，一邊找有趣的風景拍攝，從中觀察社區多年來的變化，和思考自己的經驗。有種種限制之下，只好嘗試觀察手上必須完成的事情，跟自己有興趣的議題連接，再想想在現有的狀態下如何去做。
這種狹縫一方面是時間緊迫，另一方面也來自疫症之下各種各樣的限制，有些是有形和外在，有些則是來自情緒。當然相比以往的自由，這樣的創作方法，也必然是充滿妥協，但也不一定是壞事。在限制和妥協之間游移，就忽然想起自己很喜歡的Fort/da理論，關於孩童如何在拋物的遊戲中，重溫不快的情感，以至找回對事情的控制。
因為疫症，想訪問的人跟自己相隔兩地，同時，在這樣的邊緣處來來回回，也有它的樂趣，亦也許是未來的新常態。

Wandering on the Edge

Recently, I have been finishing my artwork in a short period of time and tight space, whether it is because I took part in a workshop, I had to finish filming in one day or an afternoon, or I looked for room to create in my job that is unrelated to my practice, and drew on the subjects that I am interested in. Sometimes I would walk around the neighbourhood and film interesting scenery, observing the changes in the community over the years and reflecting on my own experiences. With all those constraints under pandemics, I try to see what has to be done, connect it to the topics I am interested in, and think about how to develop it in my current state.
This interstice is partly a result of time constraints, and of the pandemics, some of which are tangible and external, and some are emotional. Indeed, such a creative approach is inevitably full of compromises compared to the freedom that I had in the past, but that is not necessarily a bad thing. Moving between restriction and compromises, I suddenly recall my favourite theory of Fort/da, about how children can regain control of things through reliving unpleasant emotions in a game of throwing objects.
Because of the pandemics, the person you want to interview becomes unreachable; meanwhile, wandering on the edge has its pleasure, and may be the new normal of the future.

我所知道檔案和記憶的二三事

Two or three things I know about archive and memory

2018/10/21

麥樂倫的檔案很重，很重，我也不知道為何想借這個檔案，可能是，我最早思考自己是否同志的時候，查看書本，那時以為他是香港紀錄中第一個同志，至少，是第一個官方終於重視的同志，而他是自殺而死的英國警察。檔案很重，裡面重重覆覆地印上「機密」的字眼，裡面殘忍直接就像黃碧雲的《盧麒之死》。不同的人的話，都只為一直反覆證明，這個人是同志，這個人是同志（所以他自殺），這個人的人生，壓縮成為一串看似客觀的資料： 他在蘇格蘭出生，中學畢業，然後工作幾年，就加入皇家香港警察，在警校的成績不如人意，而後來駐守觀塘區，同事說婚前曾常與他消磨時間，他睡不同的女人，卻沒一次記得女人的名字；妓女說一個月會為他提供一次服務，但總不是「正常的異性戀性交」；而他說甚麼呢？他甚麼都沒有說，檔案說他留下了一封遺書「請跟我的家人說，我是個好警察。」他甚麼都沒有說，留下身上的五個彈孔的謎語。

The files of MacLennan are very heavy, I don’t know why I would want to call this file, maybe because while I first questioned if I am a Tongzhi [an umbrella term for LGBTQ in Chinese speaking communities] and read, I perceived him as the first documented Tongzhi in Hong Kong’s record […] and he was a police officer from the United Kingdom. The files are very heavy and printed “confidential” all over, the content is as brutal as Wong Bik-Wan’s The Death of Lo Kei (2018). Different people talked only to prove that this person is gay (therefore he took his own life). His life was compressed into a series of seemingly objective facts – born in Scotland, he joined the Royal Hong Kong Police after working for a few years. He did not do well in the police academy and later served in the Kwun Tong area. A colleague claimed they used to spend time together, and he always slept with different women, but never he could remember their names. A sex worker said she served him once every month, but never in “the normal heterosexual way”. What did he say then? He said nothing. The archives said he left a letter saying, “Please, please, tell my parents that it was an accident and I was a good Police Officer.” He said nothing and left a riddle of five gunshots in his body.

2020/2/14

華人化酷兒，酷兒化華人

今天去了市立圖書館參與曼城同志組織的活動，從歷史檔案尋找同志歷史，準時到場果真全場都是白人，後來來了一位亞洲面孔的叔叔，一進場就跟全部人打招呼，待講座完結後又火力全開，問答環節時，質問組織所講的同志歷史為何沒有亞洲人和黑人。待講座完了我走近叔叔身邊聽他說話，他又繼續跟在場的義工說到，每次同志遊行完結後唐人街的餐廳都人山人海，他也質問過為何餐廳不願支持同志，換來只有對方的道歉：「他們還是沒有答我的問題！」叔叔說自己1990年已經是這組織的會員，然而一直不願加入董事會：「就不能這樣暢所欲言了！」他最後告別時揮揮手，只說他又要繼續去infiltrate其他活動了。

Chinese-ing the Queer, Queering the Chinese

Today I went to the Manchester City Library to join a lecture on LGBT history in historical archives. It came as no surprises that everyone there was white. Only before the lecture started there was an East Asian man walking into the room, and he greeted everyone in a flamboyant way. It didn’t stop there – in the Q&A session, he asked why no one mentioned Asians and blacks when talking about LGBT history. I pricked up my ears after the lecture – as he continued telling the volunteers – the restaurants in Chinatown were crowded with people every time after pride parade, once he asked why the restaurants were not willing to support the LGBT movement, but the restaurants only apologized – “They didn’t answer my question!” He said that he had been a member of this organization in 1990, but he has been reluctant to join the board of directors, “Then you can’t speak freely!” When he was leaving, he said he was going to infiltrate other events.

2021/1/3

（客家式）炆蛋 （原為網上雜誌Magiun第二期文章）

因為疫情，我在香港暫且逗留。去年年初我的婆婆過世，令我感到需要多點去看我的嫲嫲，但又不能太多，至少不是在疫情爆發的日子。後來我找到一個逗她（和我自己）開心的方法，不但親身去看她，而是每次回去老家，也跟她學煮飯。

我父親那邊是客家人，客家人字面上看似作客，但實際上是不請自來。史家認為客家人在公元前三世紀以來，就開始多次南遷，最後才定居於中國南部，而我的祖父母，更是南來來到香港。

依我嫲嫲的說法，客家人其實並不受歡迎，只能在貧瘠的山地上種田，於是客家食物大多都是醃漬、內臟、野菜之類（當然我們在家也吃粵菜）。然而，嫲嫲有一道菜卻不屬以上類別，她叫這道菜作「炆蛋」──肉碎、冬菇粒、蔥粒和鬆軟的雞蛋。它總是這麼柔軟、溫暖又細緻。有次我請她教我怎樣煮這道菜，當她煎著豬肉碎和冬菇粒，我問她炆蛋是客家菜嗎？「當然不是，你爺爺以前在書店工作，他的上海人上司有次請我們到他的家吃飯，我很喜歡這道菜，就自己試試在家煮。」

幾個星期之後，我想自己在家試試煮炆蛋，於是在網上搜尋「炆蛋」，結果一無所獲，也找不到上海菜中有這道菜式。我只好草草跟著她的方法，用上雪櫃的剩餘物資，用豆腐、紅蘿蔔粒和牛肝菌代替豬肉，最後成品跟嫲嫲的炆蛋味道完全不同，而到了這個地步，我也懷疑到底它跟上海菜還有沒有任何關係。

無論如何，我想，炆蛋還是充滿客家女人的精神罷，是適應不同的環境，也是適應不同的剩食。

Simmered Egg (Hakka style) (Written for online journal Magiun#2)

Thanks to the pandemic, I am spending much more time in Hong Kong. After losing my maternal grandmother earlier last year, I feel the urge to visit my paternal grandma more often – but not too often, at least not during another wave of outbreak. Then I found one way to make her (and me) happy, apart from visiting her in-person – to learn cooking from her whenever I visit and try to cook when I get home.

My paternal family is Hakka Chinese; literally, it means “guest people”. The only thing is that we are self-invited. Historians believe that Hakka people have been migrated for a few times since 3rd century BC before they settled in Southern China. For my grandparents, they moved even further to Hong Kong.

According to my grandma, as Hakka people have always been unwelcomed, we could only take up hilly and infertile fields. That is why most Hakka dishes consist of pickles, organ meat and coarse vegetables (but of course, at home, we do eat a lot of Cantonese food too). Even so, my grandmother sometimes cooks a dish that doesn’t fall into any of these categories, and she named it as “Simmered Egg” – minced pork, diced shiitake mushroom, chopped spring onion with fluffy egg. It is so soft, comforting, yet somehow delicate.

In one of the visits, I urged her to show me how to make it. When she was pan-frying the minced meat and shiitake mushroom, I asked her if Simmered Egg is a Hakka dish at all – “No, of course not. Your grandfather used to work in a bookshop, and his Shanghainese boss once invited us to his place for dinner. I liked this dish, so I tried to cook this at home.”

A few weeks later, I wanted to cook this for my partner, and I tried to search “Simmered Egg” online, I could not find anything, if not anything related to Shanghainese cuisine. In the end, I just vaguely followed her instruction and made use of fridge leftovers, replacing pork with tofu, diced carrot and some dried Yunnan porcini I ordered the other day. It did not taste like anything she taught me, and at this point, I doubt if it has anything to do with Shanghainese cuisine at all.

After all, “Simmered Egg” is an adaptation made with the spirit of being a Hakka woman – adapting to changes (and leftover food).