黃慧心主要集中於錄像和雕刻影像的創作。透過與相機遊走，譜寫和雕刻影像的質感和節奏，她相信藝術能讓她理解並步入生活。因此，她大部分作品都與她的日常生活和周遭的人有關，而她的作品亦受其流動性影響而在不同的文化背景下創作，如柬埔寨，越南，菲律賓和香港等。她花很多時間思考影像和藝術創作背後的權力議題，有時她讓身邊的人成為創作原料的提供者，而她是作品的“媒介”或“共同創作者”。近來她大部分的時間都留在家中，清除雜念，嘗試專注完成一個已經花了多過三年時間的作品。

Winsome Wong (b.1994) mainly works on videography and the sculpting of images. Through moving along with her camera, composing and sculpting the texture and rhythm of the images, she believes that art helps guiding her to comprehend and step into daily life. Therefore, most of her works are about her daily life and people around her, leading her works to be created in different cultural contexts along her mobility, such as Cambodia, Vietnam, the Philippines and Hong Kong. She also spent a lot of time thinking about the authority of images and artwork, that there are times she credits that sources of her works are people around her and that she acts as an “agent” or “co-creator” of the works. Currently she’s spending most of the time at her home, clearing up her thoughts and trying to concentrate on a more-than-3-year project.

人的步調練習

由於近期的創作主要只集中於一項已經進行了幾年的錄像創作，所以我的說明清單大概圍繞這在這項創作中所得的自我觀察。

精神狀態

由於作品的劇本和拍攝在幾年前已經完成，之後我就經歷着漫長的剪接過程，假如我長期嘗試進入作品的情緒狀態去剪接的話將會非常痛苦，而事實上這也未必可能，因為剪接同時牽涉很多理性和技術上的思考，反而很多時候要慢慢的抽離或嘗試着抽離去處理眼前的素材。同時也避免不了創作中與情緒的交集，例如因為回顧素材而重拾當時的某些情感，或者現實生活莫名的與正在剪輯的片段的相似、重疊，形成新的角度或感覺去剪輯；而有時候剪接成為我某種透過回到某些時刻，或跟已經失去的人和場景重遇來逃避現實中的痛苦或獲取某種療癒。而剪輯的過程的確需要這種理性、感性、直覺的交錯和更替，而長期剪接需要比較穩定的長期狀態讓這些發生，好好的拿捏穩定和刺激的平衡。尤其在這一年比較專心剪接的日子裏，我更加深刻的明白需要長時間完成的作品並不能如以往的一些作品以比較「衝」的狀態完成。無論在時間或者情緒上，不能因為爆發而在短時間力殆盡，需要像跑馬拉松或耕田般，不能太急，要維持在某種節奏的範圍內。並且自覺自己的狀態，規劃好或者間中反思規劃過後就要，好好做好當下的步驟，才不會因為盡頭看似太遠而造成過大的壓力。

所以這一年因為要盡量專心完成作品，除了在能力範圍內工作掙錢之外，我嘗試清空生活，盡量讓每天生活簡單一點，騰出空間讓我能有足夠狀態一點一點的創作。間中失衡的話也不勉強，好好休息再慢慢找回平衡和步調。避免不了會有個人情緒激烈的日子，會騰出時間讓情緒爆發，因為勉強不了。在（情緒）還算可以的日子，由於還是想盡快但不勉強的完成作品，所以比起以前算是節制了情緒的爆發，以理性壓制，讓情緒慢慢的流去。但我覺得還要多點時間摸索這種平衡。假如完成這個項目的話，我想我應該會讓理性休息一會，讓情緒任性一點的湧出，讓壓抑的部分抒發，進入另一種狀態，休息一回再回來耕田般創作的步調。

身體狀態

因為長期創作是馬拉松，所以也開始明白身體健康的重要性，也對身體狀態敏感了。胃痛腰痛背痛眼痛情緒感冒就不能好好持續創作，所以慢慢開始花時間運動休息應付長期作戰，所以能察覺自己精神和身體狀態並適時做出調整很重要。

時空

由於長期在家中創作，起床吃飯剪接吃飯看看電影睡覺（當然中間也會不能專心而停下工作看看無聊的影片），一週盡量只外出兩至三天，除了面對面見面外很少以社交媒體與朋友聯絡，這一年來時間彷彿慢了同時也快了，因為我的生活少了人與人間戲劇性的事件或變化，彷彿沒什麼事情發生去讓我有明顯的改變；但同時因為只集中做少量事情卻同時多很多時間與自己相處，對於自己和創作卻好像有更深刻沉穩的敏感度，透過日復日看似沒什麼變化卻也是有很多微妙變化的練習。有時見到朋友就好像很久沒有見過人似的，說話能力比起以前就像生鏽的螺絲。由於不能自動波說話，比以前需要更多時間想和反應，也意味多一些時間消化和觀察，多了新鮮感，同時也對於自己這樣的狀態感到有趣。我知道外面的世界每天都很多事情發生，很多藝術展覽很多新的作品的誕生，有時我會想為什麼我還是這麼慢，但反正每次我都知道我急不來，像是去了長途旅行，已經買好機票搭了飛機的話，就只能好好感受好好過好我選擇的旅程，同時不過分留戀，在適當的步調不怠慢的過，反正是時候的話就自然會慢慢完結完成。有時候我就是對時間就是有莫名的信仰，就跟着時間和直覺，時間是相對而我比較慢的話，那我就只能希望自己也相對的老得慢一點就好。只是或許殘酷的是外面的世界還是一樣快，太慢而只專注於自己的世界的話，可能一抬頭世界就面目全非，發現自己所愛的人、尤其家人突然老了很多怎麼辦。只能提醒自己，專心創作之外，也不要忘記抬頭去見、去用心看所愛的人、說說話。現在也做不好，希望可以再做好一點吧。

交替練習

由於生活狀態不同了，當下看待事情的方法和每個當下也影響着創作的每個階段。同時也不能只是一心一意的放所有心神與那個有關過去的創作中。還是要感受生活，不能因為創作失去了對生活的觸覺，每天不經不覺的有不同微小的成長和體驗，成為了新的視覺和蘊釀着新的作品，所以同時我也會參與其他創作，以及開始一些新的項目，但不急着完成，就讓它慢慢蘊釀發展或者輕鬆一點的完成，同時成為新的經驗讓我反思當下和以前的創作狀態。也會去看新的作品、看看書和無論無聊或經典的作品或玩耍，吸收新的養分於這項持續的創作中。而在持續創作中的反思和感悟，也蘊釀着新作品的誕生。

學習

在這個漫長的創作中最大的感悟不是什麼結果或發現，那個喜悅在於像與人相處一樣，透過交流、角力才慢慢感受和學習錄像中不同元素的關係，不能以理論概括的，而是感受我的不同的選擇和每天剪接中跟素材相處的經驗，感受不同雕刻錄像中的時空的可能性─影像、剪接、鏡頭、演繹是什麼，我所追求的永恆、生命、流動的感覺是什麼，永遠有那麼多的方法如何去雕刻，而我還要很多的時間去學，透過不同作品去實驗感受學習摸索實踐，同時也反省着我是什麼，我的各種狀態傾向。而因為這樣我也開始期待自己隨年月成長，期待這一切如何累積成為感受了解創作、世界、生命的新和跟深入的體驗。

人

對我來說，我希望創作能與我作為一個「人」同步。我的生活、思緒和所愛的人對我的創作尤其重要，或者調轉來說，是很多時候都是因為渴望紀錄這些我不捨得的「我」才創作，所以對我來說最重要的是創作與我「作為一個人的步調」如何平衡，持續的陪伴、適合的距離，對生命蘊釀更深入的體驗感悟。

有段時間曾經失去平衡創作，責任感和外在的評論讓我急着用力地完成創作，但外界的評論和要求可以是無底洞，不停更改剪接、希望在短時間完成、每次都像是吐盡了自己的靈魂。持續不了創作，對自己作品失去判斷力，像是盲了一樣。當我已經再筋疲力盡脆弱的狀態下，加上個人感情的失控，很多自我厭惡，以及對於自己作品的無力感和外界評論造成自己與作品關係的撕裂，不能進入狀態，而我自己本身的碎裂也讓我根本沒有力氣創作，需要停一段時間，先慢慢療癒自己。

Pacing Exercises

As I recently focus on a video that I have been working on for a few years now, my list of instructions will probably be about self-observations in my creative practice.

My Mental State

Since the script and filming of the work were completed a few years ago, I have been going through a long editing process since then. It would be very painful if I try to get immersed in the emotional state of the work for a long time, and in fact this may not be possible, because editing involves a lot of rational and technical thinking at the same time, but often I have to take a step back or try to deal with the materials from a distanced position. At the same time, I can’t avoid having a mixed emotion, such as reviving certain emotions while reviewing some materials, or the inexplicable similarities and overlaps between real life and the footage being edited, inspiring me a new perspective or feeling to further edit; and sometimes the editing becomes a way of self-healing or escaping from the pain of reality, through going back to certain moments or re-encountering people and scenes that have been lost. The process of editing does require this interplay and alternation of rationality, emotion and intuition, and a long editing requires a more stable state for this to happen, maintaining a good balance of such stability and excitement. In particular, during this year of concentrating on editing, I understand more deeply that those works necessarily take a long time, they cannot be completed in a rush as some of my previous works. It is important not to run out of energy in a short period of time, either in terms of time or emotion, like running a marathon or ploughing a field, to stay within a certain rhythm. You need to be aware of your own state, plan or occasionally reflect on your planning, and do what you could do for each current stage so that you don’t end up being overwhelmed when you see there is still a long way to go.

This year, as I have to concentrate on completing my work as much as possible, apart from working within my capabilities to make money, I tried to clear my mind and keep my life as simple as possible, so that I could spare enough mental space to create, gradually. If I am off balance, I don’t force myself, I will take some rest and slowly regain my balance and rhythm. Inevitably, there will be days when my emotions are intense and I will make time for them to explode because I can’t help. On those days when I’m still okay [emotionally], because I still want to finish my work as soon as possible but without forcing it, I’ve been able to control my emotional outbursts and suppress rationally more than before, let them flow slowly. I need more time to figure out this balance. Once I finish this project, I should let my rationality take a break, let my repressed emotions come out a bit, and enter another state, take a break, and come back to the normal pace like ploughing a field.

My Physical Condition

A long-term creative practice is like a marathon. I have come to understand the importance of physical health, and become more sensitive to my physical state. I can’t continue to create if I have a stomachache, back pain, eye sore, or an emotional outburst, so I am taking time to exercise and rest, to cope with the long hours of work, it is therefore important to be aware of my mental and physical state and to make timely adjustments.

Time and Space

Due to the fact that I have been working at home for a long time, waking up, eating, editing, eating, watching movies and sleeping [of course, in between, I would stop working and watch causal and trivial videos], try to go out only two to three days a week only, and rarely contacting friends through social media except face-to-face, time seems to have slowed down and gone faster at the same time over the past year, because my life becomes less dramatic or more stable with other people. On the other hand, since I only concentrate on a few things and spend a lot more time with myself, I seem to have a deeper and more subtle sensitivity to myself and my creative practice, through the practice of making and observing subtle changes day after day while nothing seems to have changed distinctly. Sometimes when I see my friends, it seems like I haven’t seen anyone for a long time, and my ability to speak is like a rusty screw. As I can’t speak intuitively, I need more time to think and react than before, which means I have more time to interpret and observe, I feel more refreshed. I know that there is a lot going on in the world every day, with many art exhibitions and new works being created. I wonder why I am still so slow, but I know I can’t rush it. It’s like going on a long trip, if you have already bought your ticket and taken the plane, you can only feel and live the journey you have chosen, and at the same time not be too attached to it, and live the moment at the right pace, when the time is right, things will get done naturally. Sometimes I just have an inexplicable faith in time, and if time is relative and I am slow, then I can only hope that I will also grow old relatively slower. Perhaps the cruel thing is that the world outside is still as fast as ever, and if I am too slow to concentrate on my own world, once I look up and see that the world has already changed, my loved ones, especially my family, suddenly become much older. I can only remind myself that apart from concentrating on my work, I must not forget to look up and see and speak to the people I love. I hope I can do a better job.

Cross Exercises

As my life is different, the current way I look at things and each present moment also affects every stage of my artmaking. I can’t just put all my mind and heart into my work which is about the past . I also want to feel life, not to lose my sensitivity to life because of my projects, but through different subtle growth and experience everyday, to accumulate new visions and develop new works. Therefore, at the same time I would also participate in other art creations, or start some new projects, while not being in a rush to finish them, letting them gradually develop or get done in a simpler and more effortless way. These turn into new experiences that allow me to reflect on my current and previous creative state. I will also see other artists’ new works, read books, whether they are classics or causal works, or go to play, to absorb new nutrients in this ongoing process of creation. The reflections and insights I gain from this ongoing work also allow gradual birth of new works.

Learning

The greatest insight in this long creation is neither the result nor the discovery. Like spending time with people, only through exchanges and arguments that I can feel and learn the relationship and dynamics among different elements in moving images. And the insight cannot be summarised by theories, but to be felt through the different choices I make and the experience of spending time with the materials in the daily editing, to feel the possibilities of time and space in the sculpting of film — images, editing, shots, performance, and the sense of timelessness, life, flow that I have been pursuing, how there are always so many ways to sculpt images…I still need a lot of time to learn, experiment, feel, explore and practice with different works, at the same time reflect on what I am and my various tendencies. Therefore, I began to look forward to my own growth in the coming years, and await how all this would accumulate into a new and deeper experiences of understanding creative practice, the world and life.

People

For me, I want to create work that is in sync with my ‘being’. My life, my thoughts and the people I love are particularly important to my work, or to put it differently, it is often the desire to document the ‘me’ that I don’t want to let go of that makes it so important for me to balance my work with my ‘pace as a human being’, the constant companionship, the right distance, to nurture the deeper experience and sensitivity of life.

Once I lost my creative balance, my sense of responsibility and other criticism made me rush to finish my work, but the criticism and demands could be a bottomless pit, it pushed me constantly to change the editing, hoping to finish in a short time, and each time it felt like I exhausted my soul. I could not continue my work, I lost my judgement and I felt like I was blind. When I was already drained and vulnerable, with the loss of control of my personal emotions, it bought me a lot of self-loathing, a sense of powerlessness towards my own work and criticism from others torn me apart from my work, and I couldn’t get into a state, I was so shattered that I could not continue the work or other projects. So, I needed to stop for a while and take time to first heal myself.